cxellover

This was from a prompt at First Class Kink that caught my eye. I hope you like it. Except for a few words which makes it PG and the usual angst along with self mutilation, this one is pretty calm.

Here is the prompt
Post-movie story:

The Divorce happened but after few weeks/months Erik came back to Charles. He feels guilty about crippling Xavier and tries to earn his (already-given) forgiveness. They're again close friends but they haven't got back yet to being lovers. Erik doesn't want to pressure Charles - and he's very relieved that his dear friend didn't stop being cheerful and full of optimism, that his disability hasn't changed his personality.

One day though Erik sees Charles legs; they look horrible, scarred, covered in bruises, crusts etc.
It turns out that Charles' optimism is just a facade; and that he hurts his "useless" legs when he's stressed, angry or depressed.

H/C please ;__;

It’s about 5775 words so I am putting it behind the cut.

( Under_The_Surface )

That night the chessboard seemed to mock him at every turn. Every ploy he tried seemed to end in disaster.

“You seem distracted my friend.”

“Hmmmm?”

“Erik, your head is not in the game tonight. Is everything alright?”

Erik looked carefully at Charles judging the words he was going to speak next.

“Charles…” he started but couldn’t quite find the right words to say. He looked at the stones on the patio and the wheels of Charles’ chair and Charles’ very polished and unworn shoes. Then his attention was drawn to something that looked out of place. There were drops of something falling from the footrest of the wheelchair. He could sense the iron in the drops. ‘Blood’ he thought ‘That is blood.’

“Charles, you’re bleeding”

Erik could see Charles face go from passive to terrified and ashamed in seconds. He didn’t need to be a telepath to know that something was seriously wrong.

Charles fixed his face into a neutral visage. Erik recognized that face as not a good thing in his books.

Charles said very quietly in a rather dead tone “I think you should go now Erik.”

Erik took a hold of the metal in the chair and stopped Charles from leaving. “Charles, what is wrong?”

The look of rage on his friend’s face sent a chill down his spine. And he knew that Emma had done well to warn him. He was very glad that he had the helmet on because he knew in the core of his soul that Charles was not right. This was not the Charles he knew but some savage animal that had come out to play and it was not friendly at all.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” came the dead tone from his friend’s lips. “Do you really want to know? Or is this just some polite conversation to be had?”

“Charles” he had to tread carefully or someone was going to get hurt. “Charles that day on the beach in Cuba, what happened to you was unforgivable. Moria and I were not thinking just reacting. I didn’t want to see you in pain so I removed the bullet and that probably is why you can’t…”

Charles started to laugh hysterically. It was a cruel sound coming from his throat. “You think it was you that put me in the chair? No my friend it wasn’t Moria’s shooting or your gallant gesture to remove the metal from my spine although they did set up the circumstances of my crippling. No, it was my own damn pride that put me here. After you left, I tried to get up and in that action I damaged myself and made me the freak I am today. If I had just stayed there and not moved, then the damage would have been minimal but no I had to try to get back to my feet and in doing so will never feel my feet again.” He started pounding on his legs. “It’s my own fucking fault that I will never dance again or be able to climb a mountain or even just walk to the bathroom. My pride Erik, my pride is what took all this away from me.”

Erik grabbed Charles’ hands preventing him from hurting himself more. “Charles” he said in a loving tone as he tried to keep his friend in check. He grabbed him and held him close. Charles started to sob and put his arms around Erik. They stayed that way while Charles cried through his rage and anger. Erik just held him without comment. Eventually Charles, like a little child with a serious temper tantrum, got himself to the point that he passed out.

Erik wheeled him to his bedroom and picked him up and put him on the bed. He debated about his next move for a little while. Should he call Alex who was the designated Professor helper that night? Or should he just help Charles on his own? He decided to try to give Charles some dignity in all this. He removed Charles’ socks and shoes and then unbuckled the belt and started to get the pants off. He gasped at what he saw.

Charles had been punishing himself and it was not pretty. Erik was concerned that some of the scratches looked like they might possibly be infected from the coloration. The bruising and contusions were ghastly to look at. And then there were the scars which was evidence to Erik that this had been going on for a while. He got the pants off and carefully examined the extent of the damage. He was amazed that Charles hadn’t killed himself by this point.

“Oh Charles, I am so sorry. I am so so sorry. I didn’t know. How could I know? How could you hide this from me?”

He finished undressing Charles and went to the bathroom to get a damp washcloth so he could wipe away the blood before it soaked any further into the covers. He carefully washed his friend noting every wound and scar. He then dressed his friend in a good pair of pajamas and covered him with a quilt. He then grabbed a chair and sat next to Charles watching him trying to figure out how he could help his suffering friend.

Erik returned the next night. This time he just had Azazel take him to the patio outside the study. Charles knew he was going to show up so why take the long way around. He glanced into the study and saw Hank and Charles having an argument about something. Charles was behind his very large wooden desk looking rather stern. Hank seemed agitated but was trying to make his point. Charles held up a hand and stopped Hank’s reply. He gestures outside and Hank turned and saw Erik. Hank crossed to the doors and opened them up.

“Erik” Hank said in a low rumbling voice “Charles is expecting you.”

Erik walked into the room “Nice to see you Hank.”

Hank gave him a half nodded and said in a very low voice “I am not sanguine about this at all but Charles is insisting that everything will be fine. But understand something, hurt him again and I will find you.” He showed a very toothy grin.

“Hank, that’s enough. I’ll call you if I need anything else this evening” Charles said while getting into position at the chess board. Hank turned and left the room but his body language said that he was not happy about the situation.

After the door closed Erik asked, “Is he your butler?”

Charles chuckled “No, the boys takes turns making sure I go to bed at a reasonable time and that I don’t need any help getting to bed.”

Erik hadn’t really thought about how difficult Charles’ life had probably become. The simplest thing probably takes much more time and effort without the use of his legs.

“Can you pour me a scotch neat and make yourself whatever you want? Ice is in the bucket.” Erik went to the liquor cabinet and pulled out the good scotch Charles always seem to have on hand. Then he found the materials for a martini and put himself together a drink. He handed Charles the scotch and sat down across from his at the chessboard.

Charles had out the good chess set. The pieces were ivory and the board was marble. Charles had told him that the set had been in his family for a number of generations. Erik liked this set. He liked the weight of the figures and the cool feel of the board.

They proceeded to play.

“Mystic sends her regards.”

“How is the dear girl?”

“Worried sick about you in fact. She misses you Charles.”

“And I her. If she wanted to come back, she can. This has been and will be her home.”

“I will tell her that.”

The game proceeded both on the board and in the conversation. Erik felt like Charles was being extremely careful in both his chess play and his chat. But he couldn’t fault Charles, he was doing the exact same thing.

They got about halfway through the game when Erik heard a tapping on the window.

“I think your ride is here” said Charles.

Erik turned and saw Azazel gesturing to him.

“Ah, well. Time passes and we must go on back to our jobs.”

“Is plotting to destroy a group of people a job these days? I thought that went out with Hitler.”

Erik looked angrily at Charles “That's rather uncalled for isn't it Charles? I am not destroying them and I am saving us. Good-bye Charles.”

He left with Azazel and a bitter taste in his mouth from what Charles said.

The prompt from1st class kink Erik and Charles go through a truly horrific experience together (Captured together, tortured, whatever - up to you!) and are so traumatised by the memories that Charles can't bear Erik's suffering and wipes Erik's memory of the event. The only problem is that he can't do the same thing to his own memories and is stuck, with no-one who knows what they went through. Cue angst!

of course, Erik is bound to find out =D

can be AU with no beach scene or not, the erasure of memories can be with erik's consent or not, but I really want him to find out eventually. Whether he is furious or not is up to you.

I am putting this one behind the cut. With major warnings for non-consensual sex, torture, drug use, alcohol use and abuse, and very rough sex. This one is very dark and very fucked up.

( Down_the )

This is the turning point of the piece. All things being equal I think this is going to be another 2 to 3 parts.

( Rescue )

The prompt from 1st class kink

Erik and Charles go through a truly horrific experience together (Captured together, tortured, whatever - up to you!) and are so traumatised by the memories that Charles can't bear Erik's suffering and wipes Erik's memory of the event. The only problem is that he can't do the same thing to his own memories and is stuck, with no-one who knows what they went through. Cue angst!

of course, Erik is bound to find out =D

can be AU with no beach scene or not, the erasure of memories can be with erik's consent or not, but I really want him to find out eventually. Whether he is furious or not is up to you.

I am putting this one behind the cut. With major warnings for non-consensual sex, torture, drug use, alcohol use and abuse, and very rough sex. This one is very dark and very fucked up.

( Down_the_Dark_Rabbit_Hole )

From an 1stclass kink prompt


I don't know why, but I need a fic of Charles crying. And not just single-tear-of-manpain but full-on, hysterical, tears and snot everywhere sobbing.
It can be before the divorce, it can be after, it can be AU, whatever floats your boat. It doesn't matter what he is crying about either, I just need Charles sitting alone and sobbing and maybe Erik coming in and comforting him.

Charles’ head ached from all the thoughts swirling around him. Some were his and some were the people that currently inhabited the mansion. He had been keeping it together just barely. He thought getting out of the hospital would help but it was not the panacea that he wanted it to be. Sending Moria off did nothing to lighten his load if anything the burden was greater since he was the man in charge. The one that everyone depended on. And he was tired of having to be the responsible one. He knew he did it to himself at a very young age when he made his promise to Raven but it has been going on and on and now there were new people he had to take care of.

He was so angry and he had no where for his anger to go. Everyone else got to walk away from the beach relatively intact. Minor cuts and bruises and one broken arm for them. Except him. He didn’t get to walk away at all.

It was so fucking unfair. He was trying to do right and found himself now a cripple. Raven had once railed on him about the fact that his mutation couldn’t be seen. Well his mutation might not be seen but he was now a freak. A person to be pitied by all who see him.

He slammed his hand on the desk and felt the pain go through his arm. He pushed back from the desk and started to punch his useless legs. Nothing. He felt nothing but at the same time he felt everything. He tried to stand up hoping against hope that this time he could will his legs to work and fell forward onto the floor.

He tried to hold it in but the catch in his throat allowed for an inhuman keen to escape from his mouth as he hit the floor and then the floodgates opened up. He felt tears flowing from his face. He pounded the floor in sheer frustration and anger. He didn’t give a fuck who heard him. He was fucking tired of tip-toeing around everyone else’s feelings. Let them feel how he feels. He howled against the injustice of it all. He could feel the snot pouring out of his nose. He wiped it on his sleeve and tried to stem the tied of tears falling from his eyes. But it was not going to happen. He had reached the point of hysteria and didn’t want to come back from it.

Then out of the blue a set of strong hands rolled him over and cradled him. He heard a voice saying how it was going to be all right and that this too shall pass. He laughed at the idea and cried some more. He shouted his anger and pain to the heavens only to find himself being picked up gently and taken to the couch. He found his head being cradled and a song in German was being sung softly to him as if he were a child. He cried until he had no more tears. His nose hurt and his throat was raw. He finally came back to the study all his anger and pain had been washed away. He was finally able to focus on the voice that had been there with him. A face came into shape and he found himself looking into the blue eyes of the man he called once called friend.

Behind the cut is the text for this story that I have put out here in 5 parts.

Enjoy and commentary is seriously appreciated.

( Out_Of_Body_Out_Of_Mind )

Hank McCoy was adjusting. In some ways his change was a good thing. The conclusion to a process that his body was already doing to him. He enjoyed the heighten senses, the strength, the speed but the appearance was that of his nickname, Beast. He also found that he could go with a lot less sleep which he considered a big plus so he had more time to work.

But there were times that the body wanted to run and he just had to give into the urge or he knew he wouldn’t get anything else done. He also knew that after the run, as he called it, he was going to go to sleep for a couple of hours so he planned that in as well.

What he didn’t plan on was finding the Professor slumped in his chair with an empty scotch glass on the ground next to him.

Hank sniffed and smelled the alcohol on Charles’ breath and his skin.

“Charles” he thought carefully “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

No response. Hank checked and he was breathing but very cold having been out in the very crisp night air of November. Hank sniffed. He could smell snow coming. Charles didn’t even have a blanket. He made a snuffling noise and picked the Professor up. He carried him in carefully to his bedroom, put him on his bed, removed his shoes and covered him with a quilt that was at the end of the bed. He went back out, brought the chair in and took it to Charles’ bedroom so Charles could get into it when he woke up.

‘Or sobers up’ thought Hank as he went off on his run.

Charles came back to the patio to find his body not there. He figured out pretty quick where it was and went to his bedroom. He looked at himself lying there. Totally helpless. He felt a headache coming on and figured that the alcohol he had consumed had caught up with him. He wished his projection could bring him a couple of aspirin and a glass of water but that would be too much to ask. He reluctantly re-entered his body and went to sleep.

And awoke with a wanging bad headache. He had been hung-over before but whatever he did last night was up there in bad hangovers. He got into his chair and went to the bathroom where he took a couple of aspirin and gulped a couple of glasses of water. He thought about whether he should get up or go back to bed. The headache won. He maneuvered his way back to bed and went back to sleep.

He woke up a couple of hours later with the headache down to a dull roar but his stomach protesting the lack of food. Looking outside he figured it for about noon. His watch confirmed his suspicions. He got into the chair again went to his dresser and grabbed a t-shirt, underwear and sweatpants. No need to really be formal today. He went to the bathroom and took a long shower. He had to compliment Hank, this was the easiest he had had it to take care of himself rather than someone taking care of him. The shower seemed to take some of the sting out of his headache but his stomach was doing flip flops and wanted food.

He wheeled himself into the kitchen to find Alex and Sean at the table. They both looked at him and he could read the concern. He probed a little further and found out how he had gotten to bed. They thought that he had passed out drunk on the patio. Charles almost chuckled out loud.

Alex stood up and asked “So what do you want for breakfast or lunch or brunch?”

Sean piped up “Alex is a really good cook. He’s been cooking for all of us while you were gone.”

Charles thought and said, “How about eggs over easy with some dry toast.”

“Coffee or tea?” asked Alex.

“Coffee please” said Charles. He caught a stray thought from Sean. He was worried about Charles and his drinking. Charles probed a little further to find out that Sean’s father had a serious drinking problem and Sean had to take care of him after his mother left the two of them. And Sean was afraid he was seeing this happen all over again.

There wasn’t much Charles could say so he went to the half truth again. “I apparently made a right fool of myself last night. The last thing I remember was being out on the patio. The next thing I was in my bed.”

“Hank found you” said Sean “out on the patio. Passed out.”

“I’m sorry. I’m suppose to be the adult of the group and I apparently failed at that too.”

Alex put the plate of eggs and toast in front of him “Don’t worry about it. It’s been a little rough on all of us.”

“Where is Hank?”

“Either still taking a cat nap or back in the lab working on Cerebro. He almost has it done.”

Charles wolfed down the food all the while giving Alex compliments for getting the eggs just so. He then wheeled himself to the lab that Hank had set up.

Hank had climbed half way up the wall to get to some wires he had run to the dish into the room through a window.

“The boys tell me that you found me last night.”

Hank hopped down and wiped his hands on a rag. “Yep. Charles…” he really didn’t know how to broach the subject.

“Look. I’ll be honest. My drinking got out of hand last night. I drank for the wrong reasons. I’ll admit that.”

“Charles, it’s part of a bigger issue. Drinking is always part of a bigger issue. And right now you seem to have the entire subscription.”

“Now who is the telepath?”

“Since I have…changed…things are heighten for me. And you are presenting one thing but I am seeing another and…”his voice trailed off.

“It’s OK Hank. I understand what you are trying to say.” And with a thought he removed the doubt from Hank’s mind. For good measure he removed his actions last night from all three of their heads.

Hank shook his head a bit and said “What were we talking about?”

“Cerebro?”

“Ah, it’s done except for you to test it.”

“Shall we?”

Hank got Charles set up under the headpiece. Charles settled back in his chair and waited for Hank to flip the switch. Then he felt his mind expand out and over the planet. This was something he could still do and be good at it in or out of the chair. He made note of mutants that he saw and then he cast about to find… and there it was that void that he recognized. He made a mental note of where the void was and went on. Then everything went back to the room.

“Hank! Why did you turn it off? I was just getting started.”

“Professor, it’s almost 8 pm. You have been in there for 7 hours. I need a break even if you don’t”

Hank and Charles went to the kitchen where there were two covered dishes and a bottle of red wine waiting for them with a note

Figured you’d be hungry when you surfaced. Sean and I went into town to get some supplies.-Alex

As they sat down to the slightly warm chicken cacciatore, Alex and Sean came in from the garage with various bags.

Charles enjoyed listening to the banter and he had to admit Sean was right Alex was an excellent cook. He drank the wine but was careful about it. He had other things he wanted to do tonight and needed a clear head to do it. He left the boys still talking and wheeled himself to his bedroom.

He settled into bed and started relaxing his mind. He wanted to have a conversation with someone and now he knew where he was. What he didn’t know was this was a long step off a very short pier.